Try the kid's website now, forgot it was on private!

My kids have been bugging me to give them money. After reading "Parenting Breakthrough" I decided they can earn their own. DO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED. Here is their little website: KIDS COOKIES & TEMPLE ART

"Ain't I a Woman?"

I am preaching to my own choir here, but hopefully I can take my own advice. I feel like society has false expectations of what a woman is. Not everyone, but a lot of both men and women have this view. I wonder if this is one of the biggest reasons we, as women have such low self esteem, are always comparing ourselves with others, some who gossip and are judgmental, and some who admit, or are in denial, that have eating disorders. A lot of the time eating disorders are a sense of control, but a lot of the time it hits two birds with one stone... control, and to be thin. I walk in the grocery lines and surrounded with magazines by women who are skinny in their swimsuits, their hair and make up perfect with the smile that says they are perfect. Well, with camera editing they pretty much LOOK perfect. I recently talked to a model in one of my classes. She said she is dumbfounded how different she looks after the editing. (Now this girl was skin and bones, and beautiful as it was.) She said the editor's will add more rump and bumps in certain places, change the color and shape of her eyes, and colors her teeth whiter. How are we to compete with that? Even worse, her husband isn't happy with just the way she is. Is constantly telling her to lose a couple of pounds. I decided that for my own affirmations, I need to look at women in history that may not be the most beautiful on the outside, but I would rather acquire to be like them than any model I have ever seen. Here are seven right of the top of my head:

1. Sojourner Truth
2. Susan B. Anthony & Elizabeth Cady Stanton

3. Florance Nightingale

4. Harriett Tubman


5. Irena Sendler

Key Theory

Having troubles saying your morning and evening prayers? Put your keys (or purse) under your bed at night, this way you have to get on your knees to place them under. In the morning you will have to get back on your knees to get them. good luck

Hi ya Georgie!

For my Theatre class, I have to go see four play productions. My friend Holly found some awesome deals online and we went to "The Mousetrap" It was actually really good and brought back a lot of memories of high school. Before we had walked in, I parked my car in a place where we weren't sure if we could park. I was joking about how I better not get towed away. Well, fast forward, the play is over and where I thought my car was, is GONE. I was so confused, and my friend Holly came up behind me and yelled. She got me, I jumped. I realized something that when you are in a state of confusion , one is easier to scare. I use these tactics on her. Well, I found the real place that I had parked, and all was well. When we were driving home, I pull up by a semi and scream a loud scream, I almost startle myself. jk. I told Holly she just started something she shouldn't have. She then said "Bring it on." So I marked her words. They were out of town last weekend so Trent and I snuck in. I wanted her to be confused, so I changed their lights to a blue light. I put "Georgie" kind of in the doorway, so when she opens the door all the way she will see him. I didn't close the door all the way. Well she called me late Sunday night, said she was looking down and almost ran into this:



It said "Please don't hurt me I belong to some one's brother."
It's only "Georgie."


So she called and I laughed my head off. Then about an hour later I get her other expectant phone call. She was brushing her teeth and went into her closet to be greeted by him:



She said she flipped out. I would've loved to have been there. She hates "Penniwise" from Stephen King's "IT" and at the play, there was a character named "Georgie" which gave me the whole "Hi, Ya Georgie," and George Bush Idea. I asked her if she gave up yet. She asked me if there were anymore, I said no more MONSTERS. That night (I did feel bad about this one) Cameron and Holly were woken up to LOUD screams coming from under their bed. We had set the player at around midnight. I called her in the morning and asked if she had enough. She said that I was aliar. However, I said no more monsters not screams. She said she had enough. I said "Truces?" So I had a couple more plans up my sleeves that would've scared the snot out of both Trent and I had I done it. If she goes back on saying she had enough, and if anyone reading this tries, TRIES (means you don't have to scare me, but you were apart of it,) I will get you back. Here is the difference, I can jump or be startled. But I try to get others in a way that really scares them, gets them to almost pee or cry. One way or another. :) I also did another thing, but I don't think she found it yet so I won't mention it on here, wasn't as good, but I had a good laugh!

Trent showed me this video. Sad circumstance, but I couldn't stop laughing at the brother. Watch the real one twice in a row and listen to the things they say. I think he looks like Chris Rock, even reminds me of the zebra in Madagascar. Here ya go... enjoy:

Real one:



SPin Off:

By Small and Simple things, are great things to pass...

I don't know if I got my love for learning history from my dad or what, but it seems all my siblings also like history. I am taking a history class and pretty sad with the professor's way of teaching. He likes to use the method I call "Cram, dump, delete." I am taking my own time and reading extra books and watching movies. Right now we are on the revolutionary war. I want to read "1776", and "The real George Washington." I must say I love the billboard that says "By George, We did it!" With this photo:


I can't even imagine a battle on my front lawn, like the many early American's had. I love the quotes from Abigail Adams, she was a wonderful woman. I also like hearing the stories of the women who disguised themselves as men and fought. I just remembered the movie "The Patriot" and thought it is too bad Mel Gibson went wacko, because he really did an excellent job at war movies. I probably would still watch him in movies however, since pretty much all of Hollywood is wacko - however, they do good at their job. Pretending to be someone they aren't!

daily Affirmation

"I want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough. I want to be beautiful" I love this song, and the video I found speaks volumes to how a lot of women especially have warped sense of views when it comes to weight and beauty. I know I do.
P.s at the end of this video I had to laugh because it says " I do not make mistakes" And let's see if you can find the mistake made...

Here is what I feel like I can't say, society bounds me:

daily affirmation

Thanks to my friend Jenny, I have fallen in love with KLOVE the Christan type music on the radio. Casting Crowns, Jars of Clay, and many others. I have a cd that I listen to in the car, and it's upbeat just like regular songs on the radio, but all about God. Seriously helps brighten my day. Here is a song that I love, and the group struggled to find a name for their band until they were in the car and ended up on the street...hence: Tenth Avenue North.

Healing Begins:


By your side:

Hole in the Rock

Today we had regional conference. Elder Holland's talk like always, spoke volumes. The other talks were just as wonderful. He told us this story:

"The wagon of Joseph Stanford Smith was the last of twenty-six wagons to pass through Hole-in-the-Rock that day. Brother Smith, known as Stanford, had helped others through the passage all day while his wife and three children sat on a pile of quilts in the snow and watched. Apparently not realizing there was one more wagon to come down, the rest of the group had all moved on to the ferry. So Stanford and his wife, Belle, determined that they would have to bring their wagon down by themselves. Belle sat her three-year-old son on the quilts, placed the baby between his legs, and told them not to move until their father came back for them. Ada, the oldest, sat in front of her brothers and said a prayer.

Belle and one of the horses pulled on the ropes tied to the back of the wagon as Stanford braced his legs against the dashboard and gently urged the horses on. As soon as they started down, the anchor horse fell. Belle caught her foot in the rocks and broke free several times before she too fell and was dragged along with the horse down the steep slope. By the time the wagon stopped, a jagged rock had cut Belle’s leg from heel to hip. Stanford ran to her to see if she was all right. With pioneer tenacity, Belle told him she had “crow-hopped” all the way down. Stanford helped her into the wagon, cleaned her cut, and then climbed back up for the children. As he passed his horse, which was dazed but alive, Stanford took off his hat and waved it in the air as a salute to his wife. They had made it!"



Belle had done the work that took 20 men to do for all the other wagons. SHe had the faith they could make it down. It wasn't easy, but they did it. I take this talk,and hope that as the mother of three children, I can have the strength to do the impossible. Today we live in a life where troubled times may not always be on the outside, but battles within. Which is more impossible to go down this slope, or deal with issues we all have to deal with? We live in a time where ALL of us do the impossible through faith in God. Sometimes we have to take life by the reigns and do hard things, but in the end we know we are here for a reason and with God, we can handle the things that are given. I am also going to be starting the study of Daniel. We live in a world of lions, but with the security and faith we don't have to let them get to us.

Life through their eyes

The kids decided to get creative and take pictures of life as they see it. Here is what they came up with.

Hannah's Creations:(no editing)


Austin's Creations:(no editing)



My sister Kelli's creations:

9 years already?

"A TOAST
A TRIBUTE TO THE FALLEN

Have a seat in Pride.
Pour a cup of Dignity.
Pour in sugar with Love.
Add cream for Security.
Stir for Unity and Peace.
Natasha Flowers 2002"

Have you ever done groupon? Well right now the deal of the day is a killer. Thanks to my friend Holly, she showed me this site and I was able to get theatre tickets for CHEAP! Today's deal is a pedicure and manicure for only 20 bucks!!!! I Want it! If you do too, click HERE and sign up!!! Hurry, Every day is a different deal. I wish I had known about it when they gave the spa massage and treatments for only 20 bucks last month, savings of 68 %!!!! Speaking of Theatre, I FINISHED the course two weeks into the semester!! Whu Hoo! (Sorry I had to brag a little, now I need a nap!)

To You...

Can I just say thank you to those who have helped me so much this summer/year. You have no idea how much I needed your help, and how willing you have been to help me has brought me humility and tears to know of your love. I know it isn't easy to always be watching my kids, but those of you who know who you are, or those of you who have helped in other ways are an answer to my prayers. Sometimes we are humbled the way the answers are given but given they are. Thank you so much for being my family, and friends. You have saved me, my marriage, and my life. I love you all, and wish I could repay the love that you have shown to me through your acts of kindness. There is nothing worse then feeling alone, and have to repeat myself like a broken record for help. I appreciate it so much, and thought you all should know that I do believe you were all sent in my life for a reason.

My kids started school. I swear they look like twins. They are two years apart I promise. I am making a scrapbook for them, and noticed in every picture that Austin is always trying to make little babies laugh. so I have dedicated a whole page just to him and the little babies .

My sister took our family pictures since my brother was in town this weekend. More to come, she did great, and ran just in time to get in the picture herself!

In the arms of His Mercy, I find rest.

I love this song. Listen to the words. "In the arms of his mercy I find rest, from one scard hand to the other." Can i just tell you I love seeing clouds in the sky, it makes me feel like there is dimension in it. Because there is dimension, it makes me feel closer to God. I am one step closer and I know he is there for me. The stars at night do the same for me. I feel like God is further, when I can't see them.I have felt very strongly about posting this post. I have put it off for a while, but no longer can I withhold the wonderful information I know, that may help another. IF it can help one person, then I know that I was meant to write it out. I believe that in this day and age, too many people are hush hush about real life issues. How can keeping the door closed help another? Isn't that the reason we are here, to help others when they are down? Today I am talking about the help available to those who may feel all alone through addictions. There are so many types of addictions, or compulsive behaviors from food, drugs, alcohol, weight, pornography, affairs, religion, codependency, work and so on. Through this comes horrible pain, cutting, loss of job, loss of family, and/or loss of life. I am not going into any of them, but I am going to list some of the books, and help available.

There are 12 step programs for all types of addictions. I am LDS, and I know that our church like many others offers recovery and support groups. A 12 step isn't therapy, it is support and very healing. Most likely, if you or one you love suffers from an addiction they need the help of a support group (12) step, Therapy (group therapy studies have shown they help the most because you have to be open and honest about yourself.) help of a clergy, additional counseling, and most important a higher power, whatever that may be for you. Don't get discouraged, take it a step at a time, and there are times when people are strong that can overcome their problems with just one of these.
Don't think that just because you don't have the addiction, but someone you love does, that you don't need these tools. Al non, CoSa, Coda, are all help for those living with someone or been hurt from addictions.You can go to lds.org/addictions and click on resources and find family and counseling then you will see the 12 step program listings. For those in Davis County, they offer couple groups. In Utah county, they don't offer couple groups but they offer men recovery and women's support. If you are a woman and in need of recovery the Salt Lake Mission in Murray offers recovery for you. If you have been a codependent, or grown up in a home where addictions occurred, your child or spouse has an addiction, you will want to they the pilot run of Co 12 support groups in West Jordan. If you are incarcerated, the 12 steps from LDS services travels to you. Contact LDS family services for more information. Anyone is welcome from any faith- or non existent faith. These services are free. If you don't feel comfortable, there are other 12 step programs. There is CODA- one is offered in the American Fork Hospital. CoSa, Al Anon, A.A, SA meetings are around the valley. If you want more information feel free to contact me. Here are some lists of recovery groups "lifestar" originated from Patrick Carnes (Who helped President Clinton with his problems)There is Evergreen, for those who do not want the same sex attraction they are feeling. There is Center for Change, for those with eating disorders. There is Ascend Recovery for those dealing with alcohol addictions. There are Drug Rehab for those with drug addictions, including prescription drugs. If you are struggling with children on drugs, please contact that pilot support group in West Jordan.

One time a man stood up in his congregation and told the people of his past. Many were sitting in the church shocked because " They would never expect" well guess what, these recovery programs hold what you say, when you say it, Quiet. Here, Here. We are all human beings, the people you least expect, are guess what.. human too. Here are some great books
"He did deliver me from bondage" - Eating disorder/ can be for any addiction
"Codependent no more" - Great for those with "helping" jobs like nurses, teachers, those who live with someone addicted to substance drugs, or just about anyone.
A.A- can be for any addiction, but specifically to Alcohol Anonymous.
Lds.Org- has many articles on addictions, love, and help

Please don't feel like you have to stay in hiding because you are afraid of what others will think, if they judge you, then they really need to get the mote out of their own eye. When you find someone who needs your love and support, an d you can offer it to them, you will find the most inner peace that is available on earth. When you find the hope of the one who has his hands scard for our sakes, you will find the REASON we are here. I hope this valuable information can help you or a loved one. Remember, the serenity prayer always. Remember that if sobriety is not in the life of you or the loved one, then you have not beat it. Do not take the word "Addiction" as an excuse to keep relapsing. Most addictions are shame based, and can be reversed. Many famous people including Oprah Winfrey, and Glenn Beck use their voice to help others overcome addictions, like they have their own.

http://lds.about.com/od/mentalhealth/a/addiction.htm

August 2010

Can I just say I am loving school!? Some of the classes I thought I would not really care about are becoming my favorite ones. I love the star program that I started as well. Thanks to this blog, I am choosing to be optimistic in my life. Some days are easier than others. However, My life is full of opportunities to meet and inspire, and have others inspire me. I am grateful for the trials in my life because they have formed and shaped me who I am today. I am taking my time with school, since I won't be going anywhere until Faith is in school herself. It is nice to take my time and still enjoy being a stay at home mom. When I do go further, I am wanting to become a child life specialist in the burn unit or in a Cancer Unit. We will see. That or teaching. Now about the kids,This year I was able to put together all their baby calendars, books, and scrapbooks up to age 5! I am glad to say I finally have done it so I don't lose any more memories or pictures! Hannah started 2nd grade and has a guy teacher. She didn't like that at first, but with her Dad being gone I think it's great. She changed her mind and said he was a cool teacher when he gave her a "Milky Way" candy bar since they were learning about outer space this year. Austin starts Kindergarten next wed. I am a little nervous for him socially. He is very smart (hence he had to listen to me teach preschool for three years) but I told him he couldn't run down the hall and he replied, " I am not running mom, I am skipping." good Luck to his Kindergarten teacher! It will be good for him. The little stinker and his friends got a pocket knife and tore all our bark off the tree. I called the nursery, my mom, and Trent's dad and pretty much my tree will likely die. :( Faith is such a cutie and growing up so fast. She loves barbies. It is so funny to sneak and watch her go into Hannah's room and start singing with the Barbies. She is always bringing me up a barbie so I can change her dress to a "pretty" one. Hannah loves to say " Faith, Have you been to the mall" (it's a saying off of Chicken Little, and for some reason they find it hilarious.) well now Faith says, " NANNA (hannah), You benamal" It is cute. Well needless to say, we are busy busy busy!!!

Today I am grateful to be alive! I have such great family and friends. I can live finally in the moment and realize time isn't too late! I can live and make a difference in my life and in my kids lives. They are so excited to start school. Hannah has a boy teacher and Austin has a girl teacher. They were telling me how they want to switch teachers. Yesterday, Hannah went to a birthday party and I wish I had a camera. All her friends came running out of the house and one little girl named Noelle, came and put her arm around Hannah. IT was so cute to see how loved she is, and that girl seemed pretty mature for her age to come up to a friend and take her into the group. I love living out here.

I think we have the same parents.... jk

Meet SHIDEEZHI & SHADI(At least it's not Shatty), or should I say Snow White & Pocahontas
My sister and her daughter Are TAN. If you think my kids are tan, you have never met my sister! Now, I never wear shorts, but Kelli puts my legs to shame. They really aren't that white, kelli is just DARK. Faith was trying to pull Kelli's leg. I think she thought that Kelli had nylons on. Shideezi is a Navtive American Name meaning - younger Sister. Shadi- Older sister. Not the greatest shot, but have you ever tried taking a picture of your leg before? Give me a break.. sheesh.. :)

Bunch of Things...

The kids and I went to clean the church. It was cute to see them all pitch in and have a fun time! Funny thing is I love to clean (usually not my own house however.) and it was cute to see the kids so excited and happy doing it. On Friday we took Faith to get her ears pierced. She keeps looking at me with her head turned and says " pretties" or "Cute" and points to her ears with a little squinty smile! Every Sunday she would come in my room, try to go through my jewelry and copy me by putting them in her ears. Now she doesn't have to. Everyday when I go outside, I find Faith on the four wheeler. Now she has been trying to climb Trent's bike. That little girl! Hannah wanted to make some money, so she sold cookies and lemonade a couple weeks ago. It was cute to see them. Austin had a sleepover (he has had a couple before when we are babysitting) but it was funny to see him so giddy. I swear the two of them didn't go to sleep until midnight. Hannah is having sleepovers all the time, but I think the WHOLE family likes it when she does. I love her little friends as if they were family. They all make me laugh and even my face lights up when I see them come to the door. Reminds me a little of my childhood. I had two friends when I was really little like that, who KNEW I would be coming over, so when I did they always had lunch on the table for me. Little Alina (the smaller of the two) sometimes feels left out, what's funny about that is I know exactly how she felt. I too had older siblings LOL. I just keep telling her, " Once you get older they will want to hang out with you all the time because you are so cool~" Sometimes she will come scrapbook with me while her sister and Hannah are playing. What's funny is she really gets along great with Hannah, those two like to play Polly pockets. They are all into the Disney Polly pockets as of late. When I took Faith to the mall, I noticed this car and had to laugh. "JUST SINGLE"

I don't mind that people from all over are coming onto my blog, leave a message so I can know I'm not being stalked once in a while :) P.S Who is from Santa Monica California? Leave a message. Also, if you want anything you see from this blog go ahead, but if you want pictures with my family in it, please ask first. Thanks


Here are some awesome qoutes that I like to read. Each day you can read one and live by it's meanings. I try to take them in to change for the better. These relate to my life. What are your favorite qoutes?

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances." -- Victor Frankl


"The shell must break before the bird can fly." -- Tennyson

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." -- Albert Einstein

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." -- Carl Jung

"Go to your bosom: Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know." -- William Shakespeare

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marianne Williamson. This quote is often erroneously attributed to Nelson Mandela

"...When we long for life without...difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." -- Peter Marshall
When one is too hurt one cannot see others' pain, is too blind with one's own.
When one has many weights to lift, one cannot enjoy life.
When one has many expectations, one cannot be patient with others.
When one has fear, one cannot enjoy life.
When one does not give, one is making the heart lonely.
When one does not take, one is making the heart feel inferior
When one does not hope, one is shutting oneself into a tight closet.
But when one does not love, one is killing one's self.

(written by 12-year old Olivia, Berkeley, California, 2/12/02)

we may need patience. Some wounds cannot be healed quickly. They must be given time. In the meantime, we can appreciate the new capabilities we are developing, such as the capacity to mourn and the willingness to accept. Let us share our losses and triumphs with each other, for that is how we gather courage.
(From Courage to Change: One Day at A Time in Al-Anon

The Rules for Being Human
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a fulltime informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better than "here." When your "there" has become a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside you. The answer to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. This will often be forgotten, only to be remembered again.
(Cherie Carter-Scott)



"For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son," John 3:16

i have read this book and am searching through it the many examples. It teaches us as parents to teach our kids for the next 18 years how to teach children to be independent. Many people go to college not knowing how to do the laundry, cook, clean and budget for themselves. Their parents thought they were helping them by doing it all. This book shows us that as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children so when they do leave, they CAN live on their own. In it is a couple of age groups when kids should be doing stuff in their household. You can make your own. I for instance, just taught Hannah and Austin how to clean the toilets. I have showed them three times, and now they get to do it to my standards when I ask them to. Hannah Loves doing laundry and so while she had that want, I showed her how. She now - gets to do her own. She thinks it's a privilege. This book is so cool and I thank April from homemaking for introducing it to us! Now I think I need to just buy this book, I keep wanting to Re-check it out from the library and it gets put on a hold. Darn. lol

The Sea of Galilee Theory

- Sea of Galilee


Dead Sea

In the book I read "Hidden Treasures" (again thanks to Holly) I heard of the "sea of Galilee theory" The sea of Galilee receives abundant water, it also gives water to the Dead Sea. All around the Sea of Galilee things grow in abundance. You would think then that the Dead Sea would too right? Wrong. There are no outlets for the water to go, so this Dead Sea is exactly how it sounds. It hoards all the water to itself which in return turns to vapor and is left without abundance. So is life. Some call it Karma, some say it's God's abundance. Point being, is notice the Sea of Galilee continued to give, and also in return received more. Dead Sea kept it all for itself and it didn't grow in abundance. Same water source, one has an outlet the other doesn't. It makes minerals that don't allow things to grow, Notice the pictures of people floating all on their own in it. Kinda cool. This theory can be all things, material things, and even emotional things. For instance, sometimes giving others, we receive hope and joy in abundance and we keep receiving more when we give more. This is also true in money too as long as we believe we will be taken care of from God. We can believe we can always give because we will never run out. Trials will come and hit us, but we can learn to accept the things that are given and realize we are going through the refiners fire through it. I remember as a young kid I would always loose my library books and I KNEW God would help me find it. I am learning to receive that kind of faith again. When we get older you would think we would believe more, but for some reason doubt comes in stronger. I would always find those library books in places I know I had searched. I probably had stuffed them under my bed along with tons of other crap and therefore lost it all LOL. JK I was always a good cleaner. ;) Anyways, the reason I bring this up is because I am a very open person, to the point people think I am brave for reaveling such things. Actually I have learned not to care what others think and just realize I am giving back so that I can learn more to give more. There are a couple of books I have read, one called "His Needs, Her Needs" If you read this and think no way would this ever happen to you... hold on to your seat. You are not exempt from any of this. None of us are. I have also realized that many of us would be next to our loved ones beds if they were physically ill, but how many of us would be there when they were hurting within which caused us to hurt on the outside? How many of us would love our children no matter what, but when it comes to the person we promised to be with forever, we decide to leave when they hurt us? Now, this can be taken to the extent of codependency where you think you always have to stay in a relationship and let someone CONTINUE to hurt you. This isn't right and isn't so. This is why so many people go back to abusive relationships and continue to get hurt. There is a HUGE difference. The difference is if one is willing to change. This could mean ANYTHING in your life. Think of a person (It could even be yourself) who is continuing to hurt you, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally and ask yourself what it is you need for them to stop doing, or what YOU need to do to stop doing to hurt others. The biggest lie is that we only hurt ourselves. I just heard on Bill O'Riley that Jen Aniston said that a man doesn't make a woman a good mother. When I first heard this I thought, what the crap is she talking about? Bill O'Riley said it would hurt us to believe that. I wonder what she really meant. Here is what I think. I don't need ANYONE to be a good mother, but myself. Meaning(Hang in there I'm getting to the point) that I CHOSE To be a good mom, by not just worrying about myself, but taking care of my kids in all aspects (read my next post about the next book I read). I think being a good mom, is actually taking care of YOURSELF. For so long I tried to forget my needs and wants, and that wasn't healthy for me or for my kids. You have to have balance. You need to be listening to them, laughing with them, taking care of them. It's a choice to be a good mom. NOW that being said, I don't make my husband a good father. HE decides to make himself a good father. Just like any choice we have. WE can't make others become, they have to on their own. You can talk till your blue in the face trying to get someone to change, but guess what, you NEVER will. FOCUS ON YOU. YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOU. Any injustice, hurt, or pain - turn them over to the one who understands and can take the burden. It's unearthly possible for you to on your own. Trust me I know! THEY have to change themselves. My saying this is reminding myself. Now, I can't EVER take the place of a father for my children, as my husband could never take my place. TOGETHER, a child needs a male and female role model. They balance each other out. For someone to say that they can meet all the needs of their children on their own, they are kidding themselves.We are made different for a REASON. now, Not everyone is so lucky, and they do the best they can. I know many people who turn out to be normal and great people with one parent, but they surely went through a struggle to get there. Just having my husband away sometimes, I see the hurt my kids go through. My baby is always going to male figures and sits by them. Infact she kept sitting on our friend Cameron's lap and making her friend Olivia (Cameron's daughter) mad. Faith can be so cute, but also such a little poop. On her birthday I went to my mom's after dropping Trent off. She kept sitting next to my brother in law Trent. (yes you read that right, my husband and sister's husband are both named Trent. ) If you, like I had thought that you don't make a difference in your kids life, you are so wrong. You may not always see it upfront, but ask if you can and you will. Back to the sea of Galilee theory, Give happily and by law and trusting God, you shall receive. But first you have to believe. You will see ways you never knew possible. My greatest examples of this whole theory are two people that I have come very close to, who have helped me (along with others- you all know who you are) through my struggles this year, They have shown me the way through their marriage, their giving, and their love for others and then have given me the materials and the examples without realizing them all. They are so selfless. Thank you for everything, and for getting me to read this book, and all the many things you have done in my life. Call me crazy but I like the idea. Jesus also taught many parables in front of both of these seas. Refer to the New Testament for more. :) I honestly believe, if we don't judge and are open to others we can learn from them and them from us. If you go to meetings where the Serenity Prayer is used you may understand where I am coming from more.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. "

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Today we went to find a splash park! It was quite windy, but the kids had a blast. We then went to try to find the beach with no such luck!

Couple of new things. I saw a show a couple months ago called "FireProof" it is one of Kirk Cameron's movies. Trent thought it was very cheesy, but I thought it had a great message. If you haven't seen it, do. I bought the "Love Dare" Book and have been working on it. It's alright if I mention it on here, because Trent doesn't ever check my blog so I know he won't know. :)

My friend Holly gave me a book called " The JackRabbit Factor" that I am currently reading that goes along with "Hidden Treasures" It talks a lot about faith and having positive thoughts in life will get us what we desire most. I am trying to wrap my brain around it. I like it. I have always been kind of on the negative side of thinking (Oh that's selfish to want that, oh, I should be happy where I am. Money is the root of all evil....and so on.) Until now.

My baby turned TWO on Sunday!! Wow where has the time flown?! I am so grateful for this little angel. I love that when you say her name, she responds with "Huh?" She pretends to be a dog, she always says "Kank you" thank you. She does sign for Please, and More. She is calling me Mamie (Jamie) now instead of Mommy. She says "Nigh nigh" (night night) She loves Barbie movies, Dressing up, laughing, Dancing, and her friend Olivia. She cracks me up everyday. I love how cute she is. Now, from the first picture, she is for sure is a Two year old!!!

I once was blind, but now I see

I have a heart full of gratitude. I enjoyed my posts two y ears ago around thanksgiving when I posted about my gratitude. It seemed that my life was full of joy. I am not going to wait until Thanksgiving to post about it. This blog has come in handy as when I was trying to fill out Faith's baby book, I reverted back here and found the information I needed. I want to express my love full for my Savior, Family, and dear friends. I know some of you may think I'm getting mushy on you, but this is for me. Here are a few things I have learned:

Jesus physically healed the blind so they could see, he emotionally and spiritually opened my eyes to realize I am worth it.
He healed the sick and afflicted. He has taken away my pain and insecurities.
He served his disciples. He has carried my burdens.
He cast spirits of doubt out, He raised people from the dead. He has helped me through my pit of depression, and low self worth. I have found that TRUE self esteem only comes through Him.
He loved the sinner, not the sin. He has given me hope and peace.
He was cast out by those he grew up with, those who he called friends, beaten, spit upon, and ultimately killed. I've abandoned him, hurt him, and did not trust in him, because I was weak.
He conquered the grave and sting of death that night. He has been here the whole time, by my side. I have learned it is up to me to take his hand and give it to him all- fair or not. He has heard my cries, seen my pain, and has been there the whole time. I felt for so long I had been climbing a mountain with stones in my backpack. I may have let him have one stone, but not until recently have I given him all. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today. He not only takes away the sins of the world, he takes the pain, injustice, hurt, depression, and so on. He is real. He loves me. He loves You. We ARE God's children. I honestly believe he made EACH of us, not by chance. He wanted You, for You. Knowledge is power.

This summer has been..pure.. (fill in the blank ) Maybe a little of both.. Bliss and Hell! I'm not talking about the weather either. However, that has been hotter than it! I think when we all go through this journey we call life, we have to go through the hell in order to become stronger. It's up to us. Some of us may just want to sit and not move, others are striving to do something. I think I have been too pessimistic, so I am going to talk about the GOOD things I have found this summer or have done.

#1- I realize how much I love my kids. I realize how mature I can be if I needed to ever take care of them for some reason or another. I realize my potential and I am doing something about it. Which leads me to #2.

#2. I am first and foremost my kids mom (wow, I am sounding like Dr.Laura and I have lost ALL respect for her.)but, I also know I need to do something for me. I have signed up for UVU and am going back to school!! I am ecstatic! I found out that I already have half of my credits I need for my associates and I can do it all online. Time to have the faith that I can do math again. (That's what is the scary part) which leads me to number 3.

#3. I realize that I can do hard things. If I put my mind and my God to it, I can do it. I decided that I am going to school, get my degree, then take a break and maybe do preschool again when Faith is four. At that point I am going to go to the U (plans may change) I really wanted the Y, but they don't offer the degree I am thinking about. I am going to be a child life specialist. I love kids, I love visiting hard places like Alzheimer's units and so on. I have to drag my husband to even set foot in a regular nursing home. I have always wanted to do something with the cancer patients, so I would love to be a child life specialist or similar and work with Life Threatening patients and their families. If plans change then I still may go for my Elem. Education or a Secular Education in History. We shall see. Speaking of History and learning..

#4- I LOVE history. I love learning of our forefathers, this country, the world, and the scriptures. I have heard of bible stories or read them, but never have I dug deep into the words. Thanks to taking a bible study of Esther with my friend, I bought the Institute manuals and am using it for the Book of Mormon. On the weekends I read the Old Testament with Trent and the manual. I love learning of religions and their history. It all comes together as a puzzle for me.

#5- I love people who are open in their lives. You never know the impact you may have had on one person or another because you were too scared to open up. I have been open and have made strong relationships that can't be broken. I am learning to see the woman they see through their eyes. Many times when I open up, I realize they too have been in my shoes and needed someone to talk to. I think this summer I have talked till I am blue in the face. I have realized there are people out there that do want to hurt me. If you are reading this and you are one of them, please don't ever contact me again. I am learning to let go, and not try to please everyone in life anymore. I have learned many great things through people in different situations. Some started out as strangers, turned into examples. I know I'm being vague, but the point is, I love people and their support. I am sure you know who you all are. There are so many examples I would like to give but I have promised to not share with anyone. Here is an example I can share. My new friend is 89 years old. She is a wonderful, Funny, loving woman who I look up to. She has been through hell and back. I look at her hands and her face, and while I see tired eyes, & wrinkly skin, for a minute two weeks ago that went away. Two of God's daughters sitting in the same room, age disappeared. We were friends. We understood each other. We didn't look at each other as young, or old. We looked at each other on the same levels. We were open, we were blunt, we were ready to give our all. I am grateful for that experience and I look forward to seeing her every week. I am grateful for my eyes to be open this summer, if for nothing but the experience to know I can love people of all ages and not let age affect the way I treat them.

I have learned a lot. I know now why I had the feeling I had last Christmas. My life is forever changed. Hopefully, all will be for the better.

The things we have done this summer with Trent gone is we had weddings. My niece Brittany got married to Jesse Turner (She has the best last name now!) My sister got married. My kids went camping with my family. They have had sleepovers and what we like to call (P Parties. Pizza, popcorn, pj's, pop) galore have gone through all my calendars over the years and finished my kids baby calendars, in the process of finishing their baby books, and scrapbooks to the age 5. I am doing it for my Celestial University and am thankful for the nudge to do it! Finally, before I forget I can put it all down in a book.

Summer has faded so FAST. Some of my goals have gone, replaced with better, stronger ones. I love my family. I am taking the time to enjoy it before all the summers where they are young are gone.

I have enjoyed snuggling with each of my kids. Hearing their prayers. I had the opportunity to see their talents. Last night it was storming really bad, and Hannah came into my bedroom. I wanted to stand on the bed and wrap around the curtains and start singing with her. "When the Dog bites..." right out of a movie. I have enjoyed the little funny things they do and say. Austin said yesterday " Mom where is the Jell o for my hair?" I said, " You mean the Jel?"

(for some reason the pictures aren't loading. I will load them later.)