August 2010

Can I just say I am loving school!? Some of the classes I thought I would not really care about are becoming my favorite ones. I love the star program that I started as well. Thanks to this blog, I am choosing to be optimistic in my life. Some days are easier than others. However, My life is full of opportunities to meet and inspire, and have others inspire me. I am grateful for the trials in my life because they have formed and shaped me who I am today. I am taking my time with school, since I won't be going anywhere until Faith is in school herself. It is nice to take my time and still enjoy being a stay at home mom. When I do go further, I am wanting to become a child life specialist in the burn unit or in a Cancer Unit. We will see. That or teaching. Now about the kids,This year I was able to put together all their baby calendars, books, and scrapbooks up to age 5! I am glad to say I finally have done it so I don't lose any more memories or pictures! Hannah started 2nd grade and has a guy teacher. She didn't like that at first, but with her Dad being gone I think it's great. She changed her mind and said he was a cool teacher when he gave her a "Milky Way" candy bar since they were learning about outer space this year. Austin starts Kindergarten next wed. I am a little nervous for him socially. He is very smart (hence he had to listen to me teach preschool for three years) but I told him he couldn't run down the hall and he replied, " I am not running mom, I am skipping." good Luck to his Kindergarten teacher! It will be good for him. The little stinker and his friends got a pocket knife and tore all our bark off the tree. I called the nursery, my mom, and Trent's dad and pretty much my tree will likely die. :( Faith is such a cutie and growing up so fast. She loves barbies. It is so funny to sneak and watch her go into Hannah's room and start singing with the Barbies. She is always bringing me up a barbie so I can change her dress to a "pretty" one. Hannah loves to say " Faith, Have you been to the mall" (it's a saying off of Chicken Little, and for some reason they find it hilarious.) well now Faith says, " NANNA (hannah), You benamal" It is cute. Well needless to say, we are busy busy busy!!!

Today I am grateful to be alive! I have such great family and friends. I can live finally in the moment and realize time isn't too late! I can live and make a difference in my life and in my kids lives. They are so excited to start school. Hannah has a boy teacher and Austin has a girl teacher. They were telling me how they want to switch teachers. Yesterday, Hannah went to a birthday party and I wish I had a camera. All her friends came running out of the house and one little girl named Noelle, came and put her arm around Hannah. IT was so cute to see how loved she is, and that girl seemed pretty mature for her age to come up to a friend and take her into the group. I love living out here.

I think we have the same parents.... jk

Meet SHIDEEZHI & SHADI(At least it's not Shatty), or should I say Snow White & Pocahontas
My sister and her daughter Are TAN. If you think my kids are tan, you have never met my sister! Now, I never wear shorts, but Kelli puts my legs to shame. They really aren't that white, kelli is just DARK. Faith was trying to pull Kelli's leg. I think she thought that Kelli had nylons on. Shideezi is a Navtive American Name meaning - younger Sister. Shadi- Older sister. Not the greatest shot, but have you ever tried taking a picture of your leg before? Give me a break.. sheesh.. :)

Bunch of Things...

The kids and I went to clean the church. It was cute to see them all pitch in and have a fun time! Funny thing is I love to clean (usually not my own house however.) and it was cute to see the kids so excited and happy doing it. On Friday we took Faith to get her ears pierced. She keeps looking at me with her head turned and says " pretties" or "Cute" and points to her ears with a little squinty smile! Every Sunday she would come in my room, try to go through my jewelry and copy me by putting them in her ears. Now she doesn't have to. Everyday when I go outside, I find Faith on the four wheeler. Now she has been trying to climb Trent's bike. That little girl! Hannah wanted to make some money, so she sold cookies and lemonade a couple weeks ago. It was cute to see them. Austin had a sleepover (he has had a couple before when we are babysitting) but it was funny to see him so giddy. I swear the two of them didn't go to sleep until midnight. Hannah is having sleepovers all the time, but I think the WHOLE family likes it when she does. I love her little friends as if they were family. They all make me laugh and even my face lights up when I see them come to the door. Reminds me a little of my childhood. I had two friends when I was really little like that, who KNEW I would be coming over, so when I did they always had lunch on the table for me. Little Alina (the smaller of the two) sometimes feels left out, what's funny about that is I know exactly how she felt. I too had older siblings LOL. I just keep telling her, " Once you get older they will want to hang out with you all the time because you are so cool~" Sometimes she will come scrapbook with me while her sister and Hannah are playing. What's funny is she really gets along great with Hannah, those two like to play Polly pockets. They are all into the Disney Polly pockets as of late. When I took Faith to the mall, I noticed this car and had to laugh. "JUST SINGLE"

I don't mind that people from all over are coming onto my blog, leave a message so I can know I'm not being stalked once in a while :) P.S Who is from Santa Monica California? Leave a message. Also, if you want anything you see from this blog go ahead, but if you want pictures with my family in it, please ask first. Thanks


Here are some awesome qoutes that I like to read. Each day you can read one and live by it's meanings. I try to take them in to change for the better. These relate to my life. What are your favorite qoutes?

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances." -- Victor Frankl


"The shell must break before the bird can fly." -- Tennyson

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." -- Albert Einstein

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." -- Carl Jung

"Go to your bosom: Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know." -- William Shakespeare

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marianne Williamson. This quote is often erroneously attributed to Nelson Mandela

"...When we long for life without...difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." -- Peter Marshall
When one is too hurt one cannot see others' pain, is too blind with one's own.
When one has many weights to lift, one cannot enjoy life.
When one has many expectations, one cannot be patient with others.
When one has fear, one cannot enjoy life.
When one does not give, one is making the heart lonely.
When one does not take, one is making the heart feel inferior
When one does not hope, one is shutting oneself into a tight closet.
But when one does not love, one is killing one's self.

(written by 12-year old Olivia, Berkeley, California, 2/12/02)

we may need patience. Some wounds cannot be healed quickly. They must be given time. In the meantime, we can appreciate the new capabilities we are developing, such as the capacity to mourn and the willingness to accept. Let us share our losses and triumphs with each other, for that is how we gather courage.
(From Courage to Change: One Day at A Time in Al-Anon

The Rules for Being Human
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a fulltime informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better than "here." When your "there" has become a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside you. The answer to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. This will often be forgotten, only to be remembered again.
(Cherie Carter-Scott)



"For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son," John 3:16

i have read this book and am searching through it the many examples. It teaches us as parents to teach our kids for the next 18 years how to teach children to be independent. Many people go to college not knowing how to do the laundry, cook, clean and budget for themselves. Their parents thought they were helping them by doing it all. This book shows us that as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children so when they do leave, they CAN live on their own. In it is a couple of age groups when kids should be doing stuff in their household. You can make your own. I for instance, just taught Hannah and Austin how to clean the toilets. I have showed them three times, and now they get to do it to my standards when I ask them to. Hannah Loves doing laundry and so while she had that want, I showed her how. She now - gets to do her own. She thinks it's a privilege. This book is so cool and I thank April from homemaking for introducing it to us! Now I think I need to just buy this book, I keep wanting to Re-check it out from the library and it gets put on a hold. Darn. lol

The Sea of Galilee Theory

- Sea of Galilee


Dead Sea

In the book I read "Hidden Treasures" (again thanks to Holly) I heard of the "sea of Galilee theory" The sea of Galilee receives abundant water, it also gives water to the Dead Sea. All around the Sea of Galilee things grow in abundance. You would think then that the Dead Sea would too right? Wrong. There are no outlets for the water to go, so this Dead Sea is exactly how it sounds. It hoards all the water to itself which in return turns to vapor and is left without abundance. So is life. Some call it Karma, some say it's God's abundance. Point being, is notice the Sea of Galilee continued to give, and also in return received more. Dead Sea kept it all for itself and it didn't grow in abundance. Same water source, one has an outlet the other doesn't. It makes minerals that don't allow things to grow, Notice the pictures of people floating all on their own in it. Kinda cool. This theory can be all things, material things, and even emotional things. For instance, sometimes giving others, we receive hope and joy in abundance and we keep receiving more when we give more. This is also true in money too as long as we believe we will be taken care of from God. We can believe we can always give because we will never run out. Trials will come and hit us, but we can learn to accept the things that are given and realize we are going through the refiners fire through it. I remember as a young kid I would always loose my library books and I KNEW God would help me find it. I am learning to receive that kind of faith again. When we get older you would think we would believe more, but for some reason doubt comes in stronger. I would always find those library books in places I know I had searched. I probably had stuffed them under my bed along with tons of other crap and therefore lost it all LOL. JK I was always a good cleaner. ;) Anyways, the reason I bring this up is because I am a very open person, to the point people think I am brave for reaveling such things. Actually I have learned not to care what others think and just realize I am giving back so that I can learn more to give more. There are a couple of books I have read, one called "His Needs, Her Needs" If you read this and think no way would this ever happen to you... hold on to your seat. You are not exempt from any of this. None of us are. I have also realized that many of us would be next to our loved ones beds if they were physically ill, but how many of us would be there when they were hurting within which caused us to hurt on the outside? How many of us would love our children no matter what, but when it comes to the person we promised to be with forever, we decide to leave when they hurt us? Now, this can be taken to the extent of codependency where you think you always have to stay in a relationship and let someone CONTINUE to hurt you. This isn't right and isn't so. This is why so many people go back to abusive relationships and continue to get hurt. There is a HUGE difference. The difference is if one is willing to change. This could mean ANYTHING in your life. Think of a person (It could even be yourself) who is continuing to hurt you, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally and ask yourself what it is you need for them to stop doing, or what YOU need to do to stop doing to hurt others. The biggest lie is that we only hurt ourselves. I just heard on Bill O'Riley that Jen Aniston said that a man doesn't make a woman a good mother. When I first heard this I thought, what the crap is she talking about? Bill O'Riley said it would hurt us to believe that. I wonder what she really meant. Here is what I think. I don't need ANYONE to be a good mother, but myself. Meaning(Hang in there I'm getting to the point) that I CHOSE To be a good mom, by not just worrying about myself, but taking care of my kids in all aspects (read my next post about the next book I read). I think being a good mom, is actually taking care of YOURSELF. For so long I tried to forget my needs and wants, and that wasn't healthy for me or for my kids. You have to have balance. You need to be listening to them, laughing with them, taking care of them. It's a choice to be a good mom. NOW that being said, I don't make my husband a good father. HE decides to make himself a good father. Just like any choice we have. WE can't make others become, they have to on their own. You can talk till your blue in the face trying to get someone to change, but guess what, you NEVER will. FOCUS ON YOU. YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOU. Any injustice, hurt, or pain - turn them over to the one who understands and can take the burden. It's unearthly possible for you to on your own. Trust me I know! THEY have to change themselves. My saying this is reminding myself. Now, I can't EVER take the place of a father for my children, as my husband could never take my place. TOGETHER, a child needs a male and female role model. They balance each other out. For someone to say that they can meet all the needs of their children on their own, they are kidding themselves.We are made different for a REASON. now, Not everyone is so lucky, and they do the best they can. I know many people who turn out to be normal and great people with one parent, but they surely went through a struggle to get there. Just having my husband away sometimes, I see the hurt my kids go through. My baby is always going to male figures and sits by them. Infact she kept sitting on our friend Cameron's lap and making her friend Olivia (Cameron's daughter) mad. Faith can be so cute, but also such a little poop. On her birthday I went to my mom's after dropping Trent off. She kept sitting next to my brother in law Trent. (yes you read that right, my husband and sister's husband are both named Trent. ) If you, like I had thought that you don't make a difference in your kids life, you are so wrong. You may not always see it upfront, but ask if you can and you will. Back to the sea of Galilee theory, Give happily and by law and trusting God, you shall receive. But first you have to believe. You will see ways you never knew possible. My greatest examples of this whole theory are two people that I have come very close to, who have helped me (along with others- you all know who you are) through my struggles this year, They have shown me the way through their marriage, their giving, and their love for others and then have given me the materials and the examples without realizing them all. They are so selfless. Thank you for everything, and for getting me to read this book, and all the many things you have done in my life. Call me crazy but I like the idea. Jesus also taught many parables in front of both of these seas. Refer to the New Testament for more. :) I honestly believe, if we don't judge and are open to others we can learn from them and them from us. If you go to meetings where the Serenity Prayer is used you may understand where I am coming from more.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. "

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Today we went to find a splash park! It was quite windy, but the kids had a blast. We then went to try to find the beach with no such luck!

Couple of new things. I saw a show a couple months ago called "FireProof" it is one of Kirk Cameron's movies. Trent thought it was very cheesy, but I thought it had a great message. If you haven't seen it, do. I bought the "Love Dare" Book and have been working on it. It's alright if I mention it on here, because Trent doesn't ever check my blog so I know he won't know. :)

My friend Holly gave me a book called " The JackRabbit Factor" that I am currently reading that goes along with "Hidden Treasures" It talks a lot about faith and having positive thoughts in life will get us what we desire most. I am trying to wrap my brain around it. I like it. I have always been kind of on the negative side of thinking (Oh that's selfish to want that, oh, I should be happy where I am. Money is the root of all evil....and so on.) Until now.

My baby turned TWO on Sunday!! Wow where has the time flown?! I am so grateful for this little angel. I love that when you say her name, she responds with "Huh?" She pretends to be a dog, she always says "Kank you" thank you. She does sign for Please, and More. She is calling me Mamie (Jamie) now instead of Mommy. She says "Nigh nigh" (night night) She loves Barbie movies, Dressing up, laughing, Dancing, and her friend Olivia. She cracks me up everyday. I love how cute she is. Now, from the first picture, she is for sure is a Two year old!!!

I once was blind, but now I see

I have a heart full of gratitude. I enjoyed my posts two y ears ago around thanksgiving when I posted about my gratitude. It seemed that my life was full of joy. I am not going to wait until Thanksgiving to post about it. This blog has come in handy as when I was trying to fill out Faith's baby book, I reverted back here and found the information I needed. I want to express my love full for my Savior, Family, and dear friends. I know some of you may think I'm getting mushy on you, but this is for me. Here are a few things I have learned:

Jesus physically healed the blind so they could see, he emotionally and spiritually opened my eyes to realize I am worth it.
He healed the sick and afflicted. He has taken away my pain and insecurities.
He served his disciples. He has carried my burdens.
He cast spirits of doubt out, He raised people from the dead. He has helped me through my pit of depression, and low self worth. I have found that TRUE self esteem only comes through Him.
He loved the sinner, not the sin. He has given me hope and peace.
He was cast out by those he grew up with, those who he called friends, beaten, spit upon, and ultimately killed. I've abandoned him, hurt him, and did not trust in him, because I was weak.
He conquered the grave and sting of death that night. He has been here the whole time, by my side. I have learned it is up to me to take his hand and give it to him all- fair or not. He has heard my cries, seen my pain, and has been there the whole time. I felt for so long I had been climbing a mountain with stones in my backpack. I may have let him have one stone, but not until recently have I given him all. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today. He not only takes away the sins of the world, he takes the pain, injustice, hurt, depression, and so on. He is real. He loves me. He loves You. We ARE God's children. I honestly believe he made EACH of us, not by chance. He wanted You, for You. Knowledge is power.

This summer has been..pure.. (fill in the blank ) Maybe a little of both.. Bliss and Hell! I'm not talking about the weather either. However, that has been hotter than it! I think when we all go through this journey we call life, we have to go through the hell in order to become stronger. It's up to us. Some of us may just want to sit and not move, others are striving to do something. I think I have been too pessimistic, so I am going to talk about the GOOD things I have found this summer or have done.

#1- I realize how much I love my kids. I realize how mature I can be if I needed to ever take care of them for some reason or another. I realize my potential and I am doing something about it. Which leads me to #2.

#2. I am first and foremost my kids mom (wow, I am sounding like Dr.Laura and I have lost ALL respect for her.)but, I also know I need to do something for me. I have signed up for UVU and am going back to school!! I am ecstatic! I found out that I already have half of my credits I need for my associates and I can do it all online. Time to have the faith that I can do math again. (That's what is the scary part) which leads me to number 3.

#3. I realize that I can do hard things. If I put my mind and my God to it, I can do it. I decided that I am going to school, get my degree, then take a break and maybe do preschool again when Faith is four. At that point I am going to go to the U (plans may change) I really wanted the Y, but they don't offer the degree I am thinking about. I am going to be a child life specialist. I love kids, I love visiting hard places like Alzheimer's units and so on. I have to drag my husband to even set foot in a regular nursing home. I have always wanted to do something with the cancer patients, so I would love to be a child life specialist or similar and work with Life Threatening patients and their families. If plans change then I still may go for my Elem. Education or a Secular Education in History. We shall see. Speaking of History and learning..

#4- I LOVE history. I love learning of our forefathers, this country, the world, and the scriptures. I have heard of bible stories or read them, but never have I dug deep into the words. Thanks to taking a bible study of Esther with my friend, I bought the Institute manuals and am using it for the Book of Mormon. On the weekends I read the Old Testament with Trent and the manual. I love learning of religions and their history. It all comes together as a puzzle for me.

#5- I love people who are open in their lives. You never know the impact you may have had on one person or another because you were too scared to open up. I have been open and have made strong relationships that can't be broken. I am learning to see the woman they see through their eyes. Many times when I open up, I realize they too have been in my shoes and needed someone to talk to. I think this summer I have talked till I am blue in the face. I have realized there are people out there that do want to hurt me. If you are reading this and you are one of them, please don't ever contact me again. I am learning to let go, and not try to please everyone in life anymore. I have learned many great things through people in different situations. Some started out as strangers, turned into examples. I know I'm being vague, but the point is, I love people and their support. I am sure you know who you all are. There are so many examples I would like to give but I have promised to not share with anyone. Here is an example I can share. My new friend is 89 years old. She is a wonderful, Funny, loving woman who I look up to. She has been through hell and back. I look at her hands and her face, and while I see tired eyes, & wrinkly skin, for a minute two weeks ago that went away. Two of God's daughters sitting in the same room, age disappeared. We were friends. We understood each other. We didn't look at each other as young, or old. We looked at each other on the same levels. We were open, we were blunt, we were ready to give our all. I am grateful for that experience and I look forward to seeing her every week. I am grateful for my eyes to be open this summer, if for nothing but the experience to know I can love people of all ages and not let age affect the way I treat them.

I have learned a lot. I know now why I had the feeling I had last Christmas. My life is forever changed. Hopefully, all will be for the better.

The things we have done this summer with Trent gone is we had weddings. My niece Brittany got married to Jesse Turner (She has the best last name now!) My sister got married. My kids went camping with my family. They have had sleepovers and what we like to call (P Parties. Pizza, popcorn, pj's, pop) galore have gone through all my calendars over the years and finished my kids baby calendars, in the process of finishing their baby books, and scrapbooks to the age 5. I am doing it for my Celestial University and am thankful for the nudge to do it! Finally, before I forget I can put it all down in a book.

Summer has faded so FAST. Some of my goals have gone, replaced with better, stronger ones. I love my family. I am taking the time to enjoy it before all the summers where they are young are gone.

I have enjoyed snuggling with each of my kids. Hearing their prayers. I had the opportunity to see their talents. Last night it was storming really bad, and Hannah came into my bedroom. I wanted to stand on the bed and wrap around the curtains and start singing with her. "When the Dog bites..." right out of a movie. I have enjoyed the little funny things they do and say. Austin said yesterday " Mom where is the Jell o for my hair?" I said, " You mean the Jel?"

(for some reason the pictures aren't loading. I will load them later.)