Hope is getting so big she now trie to grab her feet and can put her feet in the air sometimes. She does the cutest little smile and looks like a cabbage patch kid  with her little cheeks.   it reminds me of faiths gummy bear smile, but faith had her mouth wide open. Hope tried to give me a kiss today it was cue

We went to st.george the day after Thanksgiving. It was good to go and talk to Kathy and get to know her daughter Katie better. I really do see similiarties in Kathy as I did Martha, and I too believe they were once good friends. We talked about some spiritual experiences about that but I won't write them down here. Faith kept following Kathy around and saying "My nana wore lipstick can you wear lipstcik?" so kathy put some on. She kept asking Kathy to help her do things and to paint her nails. Kathy painted her nails and Faith fell asleep while she was doing it. I have pictures of it. I had been going through the grieving process of a couple things and I finally feel that I can accept where life had brought me. 

Hope is sure getting big, life really flies by. Hannah is doing good at homeschool, Austin is doing great at school, Faith is a still jealous but doing alright.

UPDATE- Hope is starting to get a little personality now. She learned to smile a couple weeks ago and tries to coo. She looks at me and smiles so cute you can see her dimple. Her dimple is opposite of where Hannah's is. Yesterday was her blessing. There were beautiful words said during them. I am grateful for all the support to all who came. Afterwards we had a bunch of sugary breakfast treats like donuts. I think we are all on a sugar high today. Lyndee made her dress,and Rosy made her head band. It was all about the love of friends and family :).

For halloween the kids were superhero's. Faith was so cute she kept saying "THANK YOU' to the people handing out the treats. If she didn't think they heard she waited until they did. When she got home she passed out the candy and said "You're WELCOME" Then on one house the couple was laughing and looked at me while I was waiting down by the sidewalk "SHE IS A KEEPER" and they laughed. I asked Faith what she did. I guess she took two lights because she liked two colors.  She started with trick or treating with Wilkerson's and then Lyndee took some awesome Halloween pictures. Then we met up with Rosy and Cami Jo and went with them. Faith trick or treated with Karina, and Austin with Thomas. Hannah went with some friends and I was starting to get worried but they finally came back in around 8:30. I was about to go drive around, and I think she knew that because the minute she came in she said "SORRY!" The next morning some teens smashed the pumpkins and the kids were not very happy. I heard Austin say "If I find out who did that,.." lol


Right now I am trying to find thebalance between homeschooling Hannah, Faith, and Hope.

Thanksgiving Posts for things I am grateful for:

Day 1- I am first and foremost thankful for God. I don't care what religion you are I truly believe in a God who loves all of us. One that weeps when we weep, one that smiles and laughs, one that lo...ves regardless of race, religion, gender, sexuality, the hardships in life, rich or poor,.... should I go on? I believe one of the biggest blessings he has best...owed on his children that too many forget is to "Love one another, do not judge" You see that's his priority and only one who has been through my shoes and back is the only one I want judging. More importantly, my God is here for us and is one to not take away the trials of life no matter how brutal, but one to carry us through them.


Day 2- I am grateful for the trials of life. There are some that I can't imagine going through, and my heart goes out to those struggling. But for my personal experience you have to have a flood before the rainbow can appear. I am who I am ...today because of them. You really get to know yourself when you go are faced with adversity, and if one allows it, you get to know how merciful God truly is.

How beautiful a person who has been through life, God doesn't give us trials to hurt us, but to make us the strong person he knows we are, and even though he has to obey his own laws and when others make choices that hurt us, he can be there to hold our hand. Listen to these lyrics of Laura Story - "Blessings"

Day3- I have realized how much of a gift this truly is, but I am grateful for the gift of compassion that God has given me. ISometimes it comes back to bite me in the butt because I let people walk over me, but I realize now that not everyo...ne has a lot of it. However, I do believe everyone has a chance to work on it,andI hope I can claim more of it. I am someone that even if I don't agree with what you are doing, if others are going to put you down, my protective mode comes out in me to protect the underdog. I can't watch the news or read an obituary without it affecting me. Funny story: When I had been married for a couple years, Trent and I were driving home. I was silently letting the tears flow by looking out the window. Trent obviously noticed and asked "Jamie, have you been reading the obituary's again?" caught me red handed. For a long time I wanted to be a mortician but more like a funeral director. People think I am crazy, but I wanted to be one to have the sacred caring duty of preparing & dressing the body until resurection, no matter how they died, they would be kept safe until the time comes again. I wanted to help families in mourning, but Trent said the families would have to comfort me, I decided a different path lol

Day 4- I am grateful for Blessings. What a great one today because my daughter Hope McKenna was blessed. What a blessing she has been in our life so far. I am thankful for everyone who came to support, or wanted to be there but couldn't. I...am thankful for friends who helped make her day special by making her dress. (Thank you Lyndee Visarraga Wilkerson Lyndee Lou) her headband (Thank you Rosy Keele! I should've gone to catholic school to learn all the talents you posess lol)

DAY 5: Today I am grateful to be a member of the Coe Clan. Honestly, these are the greatest people that would give you the coat off their back to help you. I was always amazed while dating Trent how his parents would welcome anyone into the...

ir home when they were traveling through St.George. Their home was a

place where the spirit was strong and you felt right at home. Anyone who meets the coes can feel the love right off the bat. I am thankful for everyone of them, even if I have been shy around some more than others I have all seen the love they share in their family and they all have each others backs.( some may wish I was shy aroundthem jk lol) When Martha passed I was so amazed at the support the family had received. I had many people tell me that a lot of people loved the Coes. IHowever, I already knew that. In the past there were times in my life when I acted out and should seriously be shunned by some of them lol, but instead they gave me their amazing grace to me and treated me as if I hadn’t done anything wrong to them. I hope they realize that the phase I was going through, while difficult, has helped me become the woman I knew I could be and that I am truly sorry for any sorrow I left them, and that do think the world of them. I love each and every member of Trent’s family. I love hanging out with the girls, I miss doing date nights, girls nights, and talking Martha’s ear off. How I am so fortunate to be a part of this family ?Who can really say they love their in laws as their own? I love talking with my nieces and nephews and some even give me some beauty tips and like scary movies ;) I could go on and on about them, however I will tell you a funny story. The first one is when I was dating Trent and this drop dead beautiful girl came to the door with him. My roommates were flabbergasted that he would do such a thing and in my mind I was thinking “ Oh crap who can beat that?!” So when I got in the car I asked her right away what her name was and where she was from… I think she could sense my anxiousness and told me “I am Trent’s Sister”.. ahh the relief. I am grateful that even through hard times, my father in law has found a wonderful woman to share life with. How many can say they have two caring, beautiful mother in laws? Most can’t even say that about one!

My little ray of Hope

Wow so it has been a while since I updated this blog. You would think that being on bedrest I would've had all the time in the world to write. I think the last pregnancy update was at 26 weeks, right before I got put on bedrest. I kept having preterm contractions, it would make my heart hurt and my ears turn red, weirdest thing ever. I would have like 7 in an hour or more so my dr said STRICT BEDREST. Thanks to my parents, and sisters, friends, and sister in laws for helping me otherwise I couldn't have done it. My kids pretty much spent the whole summer in layton. I didn't even really get a belly until I was put on bedrest so now that people see me, some didn't know I was expecting. During the ten weeks of bedrest I spent many times in the hospital with UTI's. Trent and I would watch American Pickers because that is what was always on in the triage room. I was given progestrone shots once a week at my dr's office (Both the dr and my nurse both got to know me and I kind of miss seeing them each week ;) ) At 31 weeks I was given the steriod shots, and one nurse stuck it in my butt and not the hip and oh man did that hurt for weeks! It felt like everytime I sat down I sat on a nail, so when I went in for the second shot I was scared lol. THe second one was given the right way and didn't hurt at all. I was given trebutline shots (3 at a visit) when I was in the L & D traige room. One nurse (the one who did the steriod shot) gave me two without me knowing she was goinbg to do it, she gave it to me in the arm that I was holding my phone with. (Funny thing is she couldn't give shots worth crap and I bruised on my arm, but she could get an IV in fast and was my nurse during delivery) It seemed like at week 34, 35, 36 on each monday I was back in traige. During my bedrest I tried to organize pictures on my computer, sleep, watch netflix, but the biggest thing was Lyndee's 24/7 yardsale on facebook. Friends would pick up items for me lol. I had it in my mind the way Hope was going to be born, it was going to be a lot like Faith's just watching as if it were in slow motion as she appeared into the world, put on my stomach and this time cry because it felt so unreal! I was hoping to feel my mother in law there with me and my family would be waiting in the waiting room to come see the baby. The nurses would wheel me to pp and I would hear the cute little nursery music they play on the loud speaker announcing my baby was born.  I would enjoy the hospital stay like I do and everything would be perfect. But to be honest this has taken me a while to even write about it, because change is hard for me and life happens when you make other plans. On august 17th Dr, Nippert stripped my membranes and I knew if I went in that day to the L&D she would keep me. I came home and Trent had been watching the kids, I was walking around trying to nest but dead tired after bedrest and everyone was in a bad mood. Finally I thought should I take a nap or just go in? So we went in and trent took his sweet time dropping the kids off at Kim's. I finally came in after talking to my mom in the hot car went the bathroom then saw trent and was like "Um, hello?"  He didn't think they would keep me. Driving there I kept thinking, "Just go back home, take a nap and go in later" I knew I could make it to the 29th if I wanted, but this was a Friday and trent had it off, then the weekend and then he could take three days off and it was before kids were in school so I convinced myself this was the time. The elevators at the hospital made me dizzy so we got up to L & D was put in traige and our nurse came in and asked my pain level and said if I wanted the epideral now they would keep me. I was wanting to take time like I did with Faith(however I almost missed the epideral with her) So I said "Sure I want the epideral" I didn't look very convincing,but in about five minutes I read on the moniter that it said to admit patient. I think Trent was surprised. I went into a room and they hooked me all up, it felt unreal that the time was finally going to be here. The anastesologist was flirting with the nurse it was really weird, but I got the epideral and decided I was really tired. Normally Trent and I watch tv until the delivery, but this time I tried to sleep. He was watching tv and the mood in the room was just kinda bleak. I couldn't sleep too much and the nurse kept saying she thought I would have my baby by 8. yeah right that was only in two hours. When the nurse checked on me I was 4 then the next time I was complete and she said "Are you ready to have this baby? Do you feel any pressure?" I did feel like I had to go the bathroom, and it was the baby's head coming down the birth canal. I didn't look at the time but it was past ten, and when the dr got there the nure said wait for a contraction (Normally trent counts for me and that helps a lot, but this time like last he was holding up my leg) I looked in the mirror and the dr said I didn't need to wait for a contraction, just push! I saw the baby's head already crowning and I pushed once and bamb her head popped out. It was so weird to feel the pressure of her head pop out! I asked if I should keep pushing a little bit  and I did and bamb her shoulders popped out and she was out! The dr asked if I had tore before because I tore this time! Dang it!  After she got out, they put her on my stomach. I thought I would sit there in admiration like I did with Faith and get time to suck it all in. But instead the nurses dried her off real fast and took her to another little table to work on her because she had swallowed some fluid. At that moment I thought "OH my gosh what did I do to my baby? I am so selfish for wanting her here so soon!" She wasn't crying and the nurses kept saying she was ok and she looked a good pink color. Finally after a watched my dr sew me up, I was able to hold Hope and have some skin to skin moments with her. I was dead tired and couldn't believe how fast everything was happening. I took a picture and sent out a mass text to people that she was here! The nurse rolled my bed to the p.p area, and it was almost eleven thirty and she almost sounded the lulaby but she wasn't supposed to because it would wake up the dr's sleeping. When I got to my P.P room with my baby in my arms I was able to just look at her, and I went to sleep. The next day bright and eaerly (from feeding her and turning on the news to keep me awake) my kids came up and saw her. Kim and Kenzie brought them up because they watched them for us. The kids were really excited to see their new sister and find out whose class they got in for school. ( I had texted people to look on the list at the school that day for me) The kids ended up staying so my parents could take them back with them. My parents came up with Erin and they all stayed for quiet some time. Trent went and got some chinese food and in my fortune cookie it saaid "He who has Hope , has everything" I thought it was pretty cool. I was also amazed at how good the hospital food was. Normally I hate it! but this time they had great sandwhiches, salads, and brownies!! I wasn't able to sleep at all that sat, my father in law anda new mother in law to be came up and saw the baby, cindy and her girls came up, Chad and Kelli and their families came up and then when the boys in my family left, my mom, sister, and sister in law left it was about 6 o'clock. I don't remember what happened much after that, but on Sunday we packed up and left. I was surprised that I was ready to come home even on Sat. Before I liked staying in the hospital but this time I just wanted to go home. It took some time before I could even update this blog due to the down feeling I had from my expectations and recovery. Normally Im good after two weeks but this time I am just now starting to get back to my new normal. Hope has been a wonderful baby and I am so glad she was sent to me, It's just amazing at the timing and how everything works out. Today she is one month old (I wrote half of this email one day and the rest today which is sept 17th) She looks so much like fAith and I thought that the minute I saw her. I expected her too as well.  She sleeps a lot and is hard to wake up .. but at 1:00 in the morning on the dot she wakes up and stays up for four hours!! She is getting better now however.  The first week of her life many people offered to take pictures of her so that was fun! She is just so little and now that she is one month she weighs 7'5. She was  born at 6'1 anf 17 1/2 inches long.. my smallest baby!!

I am sitting here wondering why I am struggling so much with Martha being gone for almost a year. not a day goes by that I don't miss/ or shed tears for her. I loved her so dearly and no one can ever replace her. It has given me anxiety over loosing my own mom, my husband, kids, siblings, or friends. Maybe it's because there are a lot of changes, I just had a baby and she hasn't been able to come hold her, maybe because my father in law just got married, or maybe it's because it is this time of year that she gets off her missions and can come back. I want to call her so many times. It's amazing that even the simple things like deleting her number finally off my phone was a huge step for me. I want to cry even seeing her profile on facebook has been deleted. I don't know why, but all I do know is that I miss her TERRIBLY! There are so many things I want to say to her. It's hard to talk to Trent about it because I don't want to make him miss her more, even though he doesn't show emotion at all. I keep thinking she is in st.george and I just want to call her and tell her so many things! I've been suprised how accepting of her death I was at first and how spirtual moments would happen to me. But at this point I want her back.. she can come back now.

 27/28 weeks

 30 weeks

 29/30 weeks

I just love this picture!

Here I am at 31 weeks pregnant! Still on bedrest, family has had my kids for quiet a while. This baby would be here already if it weren't for their help. Many people in my neighborhood have brought food. A friend  has done my toenails. brought cookies, brought a craft to make while laying down! So far I am feeling the pains of pregnancy, the contractions are coming, the baby is on my bladder, and during my last dr the cervix is moving forward, which means that while the progestrone is helping, I am still progressing. Six more weeks of bedrest at  least!

31 weeks- Did the glucose test, this time with a sprite like drink.. made me sick! Baby is moving so low, makes me feel like a sharp pain.. had to have two shots one on each hip.  TIme has flown.. starting to go a little slower, but I think it's because I can't believe it's really happening~ I don't feel like Ive been pregnant very long and now that I have a belly, im at home in bed, and she is so low it hurts LOL

Two days ago there was a fire on our hill here in EM. So far people in S.S and EM have had to evacuate. we are ok and don't have to. It made me think of the things I would gather if I had to.

Tommorrow I will be 30 weeks and so far have gained 13 pounds. I had only gained 3 pounds for the longest time, and I think less than ten weeks ago I started putting it on. .I am still small.. if only I was like this when I wasn't pregnant. jk Still on bedrest anad realizing how much I NEED it. Just driving to dr appt gives me contractions and pressure. If  I can just hold her in until 7 more weeks right after my brothers wedding then I don't care when I go into labor! Here is to 7 more weeks. Time is flying, and she sure wiggles  a lot

here are some funny things the kids have done. I wish I would write them all down because I soon forget them! Austin loves to read his scriptures, he is always reading them, it amazes me because he picks this up himself. I can't take the credit. He was at my mom's and she was trying to get him to eat something. He told her that he was going to fast like Jesus for 40 days and nights. The kid probably would if we had let him. When he got up to bear his testimony a couple months ago, I was astonished at the things he said I was afraid he was going to act silly when he got up there but he didn't. Hannah had braved it and wrote her testimony down and got up and said some of it. She asked me what she should write, I told her whatever she FELT was right in her heart. It was hers not mine.

My sister and brother in law were so nice to take hannah and austin to disneyland~! They went on Hannah's birthday and came back the following sat. My mom went with them. Here are some of the pictures. Austin LOVES adventure rides... Hannah likes to see the princess.

 Austin's favorite ride- Tower of Terror

 The queen told austin to hurry up and pose because he was wasting her time lol

You can barley see my mom in the back

 My little brother Sean who lived with us Graduated at the end of May!

Here is what we have been up to.  The kids had to have their teeth pulled because they have small mouths and big teeth.. funny how their baby teeth were perfect and now we have to start thinking braces! On memorial day we visited Trent's mom's grave, my little sister's grave and saw a rainbow on the way home.

26 weeks pregnant

The end of school!  My kids had awesome teachers this year. I was mrs. andes (hannah's teacher) room mom. Here is a poster I made for teacher apprechiation week. One day it rained and faith wanted to go jump in the puddles.

 Ms. Nuckles

 Mrs. Andes

Having fun with the dog

Hannah's 9th Birthday - Paris Pj Party

 29 weeks pregnant and bedrest