I am sitting here wondering why I am struggling so much with Martha being gone for almost a year. not a day goes by that I don't miss/ or shed tears for her. I loved her so dearly and no one can ever replace her. It has given me anxiety over loosing my own mom, my husband, kids, siblings, or friends. Maybe it's because there are a lot of changes, I just had a baby and she hasn't been able to come hold her, maybe because my father in law just got married, or maybe it's because it is this time of year that she gets off her missions and can come back. I want to call her so many times. It's amazing that even the simple things like deleting her number finally off my phone was a huge step for me. I want to cry even seeing her profile on facebook has been deleted. I don't know why, but all I do know is that I miss her TERRIBLY! There are so many things I want to say to her. It's hard to talk to Trent about it because I don't want to make him miss her more, even though he doesn't show emotion at all. I keep thinking she is in st.george and I just want to call her and tell her so many things! I've been suprised how accepting of her death I was at first and how spirtual moments would happen to me. But at this point I want her back.. she can come back now.