I guess I better write all this down before I forget. That and I don't like coming on my blog and seeing the pictures on there. My mother in law was the nicest person I have ever met. Not a soul disliked her. Everyone from all walks of life loved and cherished Martha. She was a second mother to me and the best mother in law a girl could ask for. I call my mom many times a day, and Martha was no exception. I called her at least once a day while she was off her mission and as much as I could when she was on. I loved chatting with her, she had a peaceful way of just listening. I loved that she would ask for my advice on occasions. She worried constantly about her grandchildren and children and wanted what was best for them. On Friday October 14th I had called her to see if she wanted to come over. Bill and Martha had just finished their mission and were helping my sister in law paint her new house. She just moved in the next neighborhood from me. I would call Martha and ask her "When are you going home?" "Are you excited?" and she would say " I am SO excited" "It may be sooner, but for sure I am coming home October 15th. That is the last day." so on Friday October 14th I asked her at 10:30 in the morning "Hey why don't you and the kids *gina's kids* come over so you don't feel like you are in the way of painting?" She said that she wanted to and they were getting a late start as is. The night before she stopped for a second to drop off Austin who went with her to Kim(other sister in laws) house. She came in for about two minutes and I tried to get her to stay longer but she had to put kids to bed. I remember hannah bringing her in and showing her the new bunk beds, and Faith was so excited "NANA!!" .... Trent and Igave her a hug and she asked if she could see us for FHE on monday. We were going to be gone so I asked if we could on sunday instead. If I had known that was my last hug, I would've held on tighter and longer. Fast forward to 12:30 Friday. Trent said he wanted to take me out.. my friend Lyndee watched Faith and I told him to call his mom first. He said he doubted she was coming because there was a lot to be done. I ended up calling her and she said a lot was having to be done, so I told her I would see her sunday. She was about to go lay the baby down for a nap. I turn my phone down so I never hear it.. I get too many calls from other places that don't stop calling so I have learned to live with it off. After we ate I got out my phone and noticed I missed calls and texts from Gina. It said that mom was unconscious. I called Gina, and she told me that martha had passed out and they thought it was paint fumes, but soon realized that it was more serious. She had a brain aneurysm rupture. We ran and got on the motorcycle and I kept thinking "How could this be? I just talked to her an hour or two ago!" I was trying to pray on the way in my head that all would be ok, but the words wouldn't come. I prayed that she would last until all her kids could see her. I called my brother once I got to the hospital, he is an intern at a hospital in Indiana. I told him what I knew and he told me in return that "I hate to be the barrer of bad news, but it sounds bleak Jamie." He was on his way to the E.R for his little girl who was having a difficult time breathing. About an hour later the nurse came out and told us all "It looked bleak." To make a long story short Martha passed away on October 15th at 3:00 a.m My eyes burned from the wind on the bike and crying so hard. I was amazed at the love people showed me, many who I least expected. I know now what to do when someone I love has someone die, it is SO helpful to have dinners brought in, it is so wonderful to have flowers at the service from someone thinking of you, it is thoughtful for people to show up at the viewing and the funeral, and to think of you after the fact.. for that is when the hard time will hit. That sunday I got up to bare my testimony, that I have had special feelings of acceptance of this. The holidays will be hard. Many wonderful experiences of being with family that week planning the funeral, helping dress her, making the video,is a tender mercy that the Lord has for us that first week. The funeral was wonderful, and now we live in her memory. Here are some journal entry's I filled out... but mostly I find this something that I like to keep to myself, the feelings, the experiences.. they are things that are not easy to explain.

I feel like I am in a dream and when reality hits, I want to wake up. I see pictures of her, I can't wait for thanksgiving to be with her, and I want to call her... and then I remember she isn't here. My world just will never be the same. In her death, I hope to learn how to live, by living by her example. At the funeral austin said to me "Mom , why are you crying? She is watching over us. YOU KNOW THAT. It isn't sad. We will see her again" We were putting the granchildren's colored pictures in the casket. I told him, " I know , but it's still sad." What a spiritual giant, He was listening and he was a comfort to me.

Oct 31:
I hate going about my day, and then sitting and getting the thought that she is gone. If I dwell on it, i feel like I've been punched in the gut and I won't see her in this life again, is overwhelming. I know spiritually she is where she needs to be, the viel is thin and I KNOW without a DOUBT she is good. However, the natural man of me is wanting her back, I miss her phone calls, everything, Tonight on Halloween... reality is hitting once more. i want to curl up in a ball and just weep.
Nov 9th- Faith asked me "Is Nana awake?"

Most times I feel her near, and can imagine what she is thinking.. or her smiling.. listening to her talk. I know without a doubt she is watching over us more now than ever. They were reading a book called "The Message" before she passed, it's what got them talking about "if they die" and I am normally weary of near death experiences from people, but I read this, and many things I believe strongly were in this book. I felt comfort and believe it to be true. Until I see you again Martha, I miss and love you more than I would say you would ever know... however, I am sure you know it.

This post doesn't do justice of how she was, always smiling, cheerful, ready to help... she helped me wash my hair and rub my back after my surgery, she would listen to me, love my children. love me as if I was her own. I always tell people if they needed a place to stay, she would've taken them in and been an exellent host. She became an instant friend to all. She always invited me over for dinner when I was dating Trent.. I loved that. I loved visiting with her and talking to her. There were some fun times, funny times and memoriable times. I am glad she was able to speak at Hannah's baptism just this last June on comfort and the Holy Ghost. I think the only thing that was wrong... is there wasn't enough of her to go around.. so many people loved her and wanted to see her. I can't continue writing this because it just is hard... but I am thankful to know I am not alone and that she is "Watching over me from up above."